Posting tweet...
Music: Nay
Mood: Serene
Forum discussion on The End The World:
And what was it the Angels always exhorted everyone they ever came in contact with to do?
“FEAR NOT!”
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7)
Posted: November 12th, 2009 under daily.
Comments: none
Music: You Alone Are God – Hillsong
Mood: Serene
From Question About Prayer on About.com:
It shows humility and trust in God to admit we don’t understand his perfect will. So, I often pray, “Lord, this is what my heart desires, but what I truly want is your will in this situation.” Other times I pray, “Lord, I am not certain of your will, but I trust you will do what is best.”
This just heightens my love for prayer, because He listens. And He grants when my prayer is according to His will. Also it does say according to Matthew 21:21-22, that:
Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”
If you find yourself not knowing how to start a prayer, ask the Holy Spirit to guide you. He’s the one who guides our steps when we’re clueless. It’s true! Yesterday I was told to print out an A2-size event poster in colour and have it mounted on a foam board. On my own! I haven’t mounted anything on any board since my MMU days! It’s been like, what, 2 years? I was so terrified of screwing it up, I ended praying to the Holy Spirit to guide me how to do it. Outside I was keeping my cool, inside I was crying of fear. Then I suddenly remembered seeing my colleagues did it a long while ago. While God had my patient colleague answering whatever questions I kept throwing at her from where I was standing, I followed the same steps. Knowing how clumsy I am with my hands and betting on my life I’d screw up, I didn’t.
I actually did a perfect job and got a thanks for it. OH THANK GOD!!!
The feeling when the Holy Spirit is guiding you is a feeling of calmness and subconsciousness. When you’re set to do something, you pray for guidance while keeping a calm heart and clear head; the first thing that comes to mind, that’s the Holy Spirit. The Father and Jesus speak through the Holy Spirit. The Spirit speaks all the time, in a variety of ways. That’s how it works for me. And I can’t stop praising and thank Him afterward, because things turn out better than I expected. And because He is really an amazing God. In many conversations with my youngest sister, I came to believe that our Heavenly Father doesn’t rush us into something. He takes His time because He knows our strength and capabilities. A perfect example is: God knocks on our hearts to invite Him in, He doesn’t bang it for entrance. He waits. Our God waits. We should too when it comes to praying. Because prayers do get answered.
As Jesus said in Revelations 3:20, and in the words of our dear Pope John Paul II:
… It is stated: “Behold, I stand at the door and knock”. God himself takes the initiative, he comes and is already at the door. He knocks. He wants to be in communion with the master of the house, shut up in his home. “If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me”.
If you have difficult people that you have to put up with everyday, turn to the Holy Trinity, rely on the Holy Trinity. People change, even the ones you thought impossible to crack. And with the help of Mother Mary’s intercession, it is absolutely a divine joy to walk with God in our daily lives.
And a dear friend once said:
Our faith is a matter of going on our way, getting on with our lives and remembering that God is our salvation.
Worshipping our dear God is a lifestyle, it’s not only restricted to going to church on Sundays. God knows our hearts, whether we go to church or not.
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And you might want to read this – Why do the Catholic Church have so many rules? I believe I achieved the same level of self-awareness as the dude who asked this question. Yep, that was the Holy Spirit indirectly answering my questions whilst revealing how I’m like. Praise you, God :D
Posted: November 11th, 2009 under daily, euphoria.
Comments: none
Music: When I need you – Leo Sayer (Stuck in my head, grr!)
Mood: Void
Owning a Computer – Phase 2: The Comfortable Phase.
I ROLF at 2nd point. Sad but true.
More on theoatmeal.com. They R geniuses!
This one is plain awww too adorable from one of the 6 types of crappy hugs.
Posted: November 10th, 2009 under daily.
Comments: 2
Music: None
Mood: Bored
Ngeee! Sounds like my kind of place:
You keep up with culture, style, and trends, but have an appreciation for timeless forms and simple lines. You value good design, quality craftsmanship, and prefer the streamlined to the overly embellished or cluttered. You also appreciate the warmth and individuality of natural materials and handcrafted things and are inspired by colors and forms from nature. This contrast is what makes your home intriguing and comfortable. You love mixing up different textures and are sensitive to the tactile qualities of objects. Your style is grounded and solid, not flighty or frilly.
You value comfort. Your home is a warm and open friendly place, and you feel happiest when everyone is cared for and relaxed in your space. Elements like pillows, throws, overstuffed furniture, and good lighting set the mood. You may also enjoy layering different fabrics or mixing patterns to create a cozy effect.
« Results »
With your style and needs in mind, here are a few tips that will help you make your home a little happier.
1. Your Design Challenge: MAXIMIZE
Design is all about tricks, and with small spaces, the game is to literally trick the eye. Mirrors obviously expand a sense of space, and if possible, place them across from windows so they pick up the light and the outdoors. Leggy furniture gives the illusion of more space, as you can see under it. And, a mix of upholstered and non-upholstered pieces also makes a room feel less dense. Also, consider multi-tasking furniture, like a dining table pushed against the wall—it can be a desk by day and gets pulled out for dinner parties. Or a bedside table big enough to accommodate a chair and function as a desk.
2. Your Happy Place
Think of your outdoor space, no matter how small, as rooms, and create distinct areas. A pair of chaises flanking a little side table makes a living room. A lantern hanging from a tree or pergola over a table and chairs makes a dining room. A cluster of potted plants on a patio can create a cozy nook, and a single urn or bench placed at the far end can draw your eye, making a space seem longer. Big lanterns with candles sitting on the ground create a sense of space and give beautiful light. Try out new ideas before you start shopping by taking a photo of your area and laying some tracing paper over the print to draw whatever you’re planning first.
3. Be Party-Ready All the Time!
Food: Devote space in your pantry or on a shelf for go-to party essentials: crackers, dip, chips, nuts—whatever you like to serve. Keep on hand a collection of attractive bowls and cocktail napkins, and you’ll be able to set a spread—instantly!
Drink: The simplest and chicest thing is to have a drinks tray or table always set up. Include a mix of pretty glasses, an ice bucket, a lovely pitcher, and bottles of soda and water. When the bell rings, just add ice and limes.
Mood: Nice, flattering light makes us feel good. So nix the harsh, direct light from overhead fixtures in favor of the softer glow from floor and table lamps. Also, keep some votive candles and a couple of hurricane lanterns for setting around the room.
Scent: The first thing you notice about a home is how it smells. Use naturally fragrant cleaning products. If you find a scented candle or fresh potpourri you love, stock up on it. Any scent you like, whether perfume or linen spray, can be used on upholstery, bedding or just spritzed into the air.
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Find out whats your personal style at HomeGoods :D
Posted: November 9th, 2009 under daily.
Comments: none
Music : Hillsong – Jesus, Lover of My Soul
Mood : Serene
From How Jesus Helps Us Everyday:
May God grant us the eyes and ears of faith to believe in and stand on his great and precious promises! He is with us, his beloved children, even in our darkest moments. He never forsakes nor leaves us. He will see us through to the end, through every trial, every pain and every sin. He is always beside us and he never stops loving us, even when we are too weak to know it. Praise God for his eternal love!
We are meant to suffer, because it is our ticket to salvation. It is part of God’s plan, so that we may fully enter the glory of Christ. It is through sufferings that God is closest to us, and that we need only reach out to him. It is in these trials, that we can rejoice because we know that Christ has promised us something far better.
“Our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us” (Romans 8:18)
In reality, the trials we’re going through now should be much worse that they are, but because we put ourselves in prayer, Jesus absorbs most of the pain and sorrow because He knows the intensity of it. That is why eventhough we are suffering, we should rejoice because we’re better off than what the Man on the cross is going through.
We have to learn to be humble. So we let go and totally upon Christ for strength. Sure, some non-believers’ lives are better than ours but theirs is only of this world. Our reward is where we go when we pass on, that is to be in eternal happiness with God who helped us get there. It is such joy to know that we are promised a good life at the end of all this — A promise that you know will not be broken. A promise you can bet your life on — because you believe that He saves.
1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you”.
Believe in your prayers, that they will be granted. It may not be granted now, or not tomorrow, or the next day. But it is never a never. Pray unwaveringly, miracles do happen. Some take a longer time, some take a shorter time… but because we believe, it will happen.
God has never failed to help me clear a traffic jam when I’m in a hurry. Or make time feels slower when I’m running late. He has never failed to help me to be decent and confident in my conversations or write an email. He, too, has never failed to clear the rainy skies for me when I need to go home. Or when I’m broke, He always has someone to stand by me in case I run out of money. Or even guiding me home safely when I’m scared of driving in the rain. Going through all that, it’s been ultimately stressful, no kidding. But God always manages to make the day go right, if not perfect. When I’ve lost my aim, I just stay still, ask the Holy Spirit to guide me, and within minutes my conscience automatically tells me what is the right thing to do, and I allow my body to move with the flow, and guess what? Situations turn, people change – things become okay.
Other days when I forget to pray, things don’t become okay. People drive me mad, I keep losing things, etcetra. And I question why everything is not going my way.
Then I remember, I didn’t pray for the day.
So diligently seek God, in trials or not, because He wants us to talk to him. He doesn’t only want us to talk about the big things in our lives, He wants to hear the petty things too. He’s our best friend who never tires of us. He’s the best friend who always wants us around, He’s the best friend who always wants to be around on our special days and not so special days. He wants to be there. He doesn’t annoy or make fun of us, but He will find ways to amuse us. I’ve gotten to the level where He sometimes makes me laugh because of how things eventually work out. It’s more of a “Ohh, so that’s what was gonna happen, that’s why you made me wear my shawl”. And you can’t believe that eventhough you don’t see Him, He still has that power to save you from being splashed by mud when you’re waiting for the pedestrian light to turn green. God? Saved me from mud? See, the little things. YEP! He has the power to change situations and people, and it starts with the little things.
God is great, if you have the chance, get to know Him. He’s waiting for your grand entrance at his party :)
Posted: November 7th, 2009 under daily, euphoria.
Comments: none
Music : Hillsong – So You Would Come
Mood : Anything goes
Do You Want God To Heal You?
I got sick last week. Twice.
I bet one reason was so I could write about healing today. (I’m getting worried. Everything is so personal with me. What if I write about exorcism?)
Last Thursday, after eating my breakfast, I felt an ache in my stomach.
It was my usual breakfast: A tall glass of carrot juice with apples thrown in. Plus two bananas. Or some other fruit. Been eating this way for years.
So I didn’t know why I had the sore tummy.
As the searing pain continued, I took a shower, got dressed, and rode the car. I figured the pain would disappear.
But it didn’t.
As I sat in the car, I still felt the fiery throb in my belly.
That was when it hit me: This was acid!
It didn’t click right away because it’s been two years since I felt it.
After living with my body for 40+ years, I’ve learned a lot of things about it.
That I’m incredibly macho and completely irresistible to the girls, shucks, that’s obvious. That my brain is deranged and hallucinatory, I learned that too.
Kidding aside, here’s one thing I learned about my body: When I’m over-stressed, my stomach acids would hit turbo.
But here’s the great thing. Every time I have acid in my stomach, I’ve learned how to heal it. No pills necessary.
All I did was close my eyes (By the way, I wasn’t driving!), place my hands on my chest, and inhale and exhale very slowly. And I said over and over again, “I’m totally, completely, perfectly loved.” I breathed in God’s love into my life.
And in minutes, I felt the pain vanish. Completely.
Sickness Is A Message
But here’s the funny thing: I didn’t know I was stressed out!
Sure, I knew I was juggling lots of stuff. But what’s new? I lead 9 non-profit organizations, plus a few personal businesses. I thought I was managing my work pretty well. But here’s the curious thing—my physical body picked up my inner stress even before my conscious mind knew about it.
When my subconscious mind couldn’t get through to my conscious mind, it would speak directly to my body.
Today, I listen to my body more. Why? I believe that 90% of the time, a sickness means your soul is telling you something. Disease is a message. Because you don’t pay attention to your soul, your soul is using your pain to slap you on your face and cry out, “Listen to me, will you?”
But what do we do? We swallow a pill to deaden the pain. Wrong move. The message was not heard. The wound isn’t healed.
But in the car, I listened.
And my soul quietly told me, “Bo, your To-Do-List has become just too long. Who are you trying to please? Relax in God’s love. Don’t try to win love. You’re already loved. There’s nothing to prove!”
I didn’t only listen. I acted on it. I began to relax. It was like I hit the “refresh” button of my life and saw my work for what it is: Play.
I felt wonderful.
I was healed.
But funny, two days later, I got sick again.
The Second Time I Got Sick
Two days later, I ate in a seafood restaurant.
I ate something really bad and had the runs.
Sorry to be graphic here, but I now know why they call diarrhea the runs. Because I was literally running from one toilet to another.
Believe me, I’ve never thanked God enough for the clean toilets along the road going home. My reward? I now know the best toilets along C-5 Hi-way. It was like Good Friday for me. Not Visitas Iglesias but Visitas Toiletas.
This time, let me make it clear: My sickness had nothing to do with my soul. My soul wasn’t giving me any secret messages. And I couldn’t remove the pain no matter how much I inhaled and said, “I’m totally, completely, and perfectly loved.”
I just ate something rotten, period.
I drank lots of liquids, took a pro-biotic pill, and I was well by evening.
Why am I telling you this? I believe 10% of our diseases are totally biological—and I thank God we’ve got doctors and medicines.
Perhaps your sickness is purely genetic or purely environmental. My point here is that not all diseases of the body are diseases of the soul.
But when it’s not purely biological, you need to go to the roots.
Stress Ain’t Good
The medical community has already said this again and again: A huge majority of our diseases are psychosomatic. (Psyche means soul. Soma means body.) Doctors have been saying this message for decades. But incredibly, the percentages are getting higher.
Forty years ago, doctors were saying that 50% of diseases were psychomatic.
Thirty years ago, they raised it to 60%.
Twenty years ago, it was 75%.
Just yesterday, I read the report: Some doctors now believe that over 90% of our diseases have emotional roots. And if I may dare say—spiritual roots.
Some studies even show that specific negative emotions weaken certain organs of our body. Anger weakens the liver. Grief weakens the lungs. Worry affects the stomach. Fear hurts the kidneys. And guilt lowers your immune system to fight diseases. And when you hate yourself, your body starts destroying itself.
People say that heart disease is the number one killer in the world. Every year, 30% of all deaths in the world are related with heart disease.
But that’s superficial data. I’d dig deeper. I believe that the number one killer in the entire planet is not heart disease but stress. Why? Stress is the number one cause of heart disease. (Nope, it’s not crispy pata, chicharon bulaklak, and aligue. Not a license to eat them, but just clarifying the facts.)
But Where Does Your Stress Come From?
This may be hard for you to believe, but your stress doesn’t come from your job or your boss. Even if he has the thick moustache of Hitler. Your job is merely the location of your stress.
I believe your stress comes from a broken relationship with yourself, with others, and with God.
Stress is not a job problem. It’s a relationship problem.
You’re not at peace. That’s why you’re stressed out.
That’s why you took in more than you could chew.
That’s why you’re working hours aren’t human.
That’s why you’re carrying a burden of 10 people.
That’s why you’re trying to prove something.
That’s why you’re trying to be loved.
Because you don’t have peace.
And note: Peace is about relationship.
That’s why when some men brought their paralytic friend for Jesus to heal, He shocked the crowd because before he said, “Get up and walk,” he said, “Your sins are forgiven.” This is an incredible revelation. Before Jesus healed his body, he healed his soul. More specifically, he healed his relationship with God.
Here’s my wild belief. In a deeper sense, the #1 killer in the world is not even stress, but it’s cause. In essence, there is only one sickness: A lack of love. And that’s why I believe there is only one medicine. Only love heals.
I’ll say it again: Over 90% of the diseases of the body are diseases of the soul. Because the body is a blueprint of the soul, the body manifests the wounds of the soul.
How does one get healed? There are only three steps.
1. Locate the Wound
2. Clean the Wound
3. Strengthen the Body
If you want to be healed, you need to go through these crucial steps.
Step #1:
Locate The Wound
Yesterday, I showed a brand-new basketball to my audience.
I said, “The ball is your body, the air is your soul. They’re one.”
I then dropped the ball. Instead of bouncing, it landed on the ground with a loud “flop”.
I said, “There’s nothing wrong with the ball. There’s something wrong with the air inside the ball. It’s the same with your body. Your body is sick perhaps because your soul is sick. To bounce well, you need to repair the air of the ball. In the same way, to function well, you need to repair your soul.
Locate the wound.
Most likely, the wound is not in your body but in your soul.
Let me give you an example.
Let’s say you feel pain in your leg. But in reality, the cause of the pain is a pinched nerve in your spinal cord.
So even if you hire the most expensive masseurs from China to massage your leg, you won’t get healed. Even if you apply imported ointments from Germany on your leg, you still won’t get healed.
That’s why I believe the first step of healing is to locate the wound.
Let me give you a more common analogy.
Is There Really A Problem Child?
When a boy is rebelling, drinking, taking drugs, parents will knock on my door and beg me, “Bo, please talk to our son. He’s a problem child.”
But from my experience (around 75% of the time), the problem child is only a symptom of a problem parent. I’m not kidding. Perhaps the boy is manifesting the conflict in his parents’ marriage. Or the boy is manifesting the immorality in his father’s life. Or the boy is crying out for love and affection from his emotionally-distant father.
If his parents locate the wound (themselves!), then they won’t ask me to talk to their son. They’ll ask me to talk to them! They’ll ask me to help them sort out their marriage. They’ll ask me to teach them how to build a relationship with their kids. Because if the problem parents are healed, the problem child is healed too.
Here’s my last example, and I know it’s something you can relate to.
Don’t Just Treat The Symptoms
My friend Sean suffers from ulcers and high blood pressure. So his doctor prescribes him maintenance medicines and he takes them regularly. The pills are expensive and the leaflet in the box says it may damage his liver if taken for a long period of time. Sheeesh. That’s the problem with not listening to the message.
Because I know Sean, I told him, “You’re so stressed! Almost everyday, you work until 12 midnight. If you really want your ulcers and high blood pressure to be healed, you need to de-stress your life. Get peace.”
Sean shook his head. “I can’t. My job is my stress. How can I live without my job? That’s why I’m taking meds.”
How many Seans are there in this world?
They want to be healed but they don’t want to locate the wound.
They just want the symptoms to go away.
Healing won’t happen unless he says, “I’m wounded in my soul. Please heal me.” But the Seans of the world don’t say that. Instead, they will say, “Me? Wounded? Nah. I just need a pill and I’m ok.”
After locating the wound, you need to heal it by doing something very simple.
Step #2:
Clean The Wound
A few centuries ago, people didn’t believe in germs. Scientists hadn’t developed the germ theory yet.
So for many Wars, many soldiers died not because of gunshot wounds but because of infections. When the wounded soldier came for treatment, doctors didn’t clean the wounds. They just bandaged them. And millions died.
Today, we know that many wounds don’t even need ointments.
Just clean it—and the body’s healing system will heal the wound.
It’s the same with the soul.
Once you locate the wounds of your soul, clean it from the overstaying dirt: Sin, Guilt, Fear, Worries, Grief, and Resentments.
And the only cleansing agent I know is forgiveness.
To clean a wound, you need to ask forgiveness and give forgiveness.
It’s the only way.
Ask forgiveness from God. Ask forgiveness from those you’ve hurt in the past. Give forgiveness to those who hurt you. And forgive yourself for your own failures. (I have met many who God have forgiven—but who can’t forgive themselves.)
Sadly, I’ve met people who are sick with cancer today because of a deep-seated anger towards an adulterous husband, a horrible father, a selfish mother… Anger is a powerful emotion. At right amounts, it stirs you into action. (That’s why God gave us the ability to get angry.) But if you keep anger in your heart for too long, it becomes a deadly poison that will kill you.
Clean the wound of your soul.
If you want physical healing, heal your relationships.
Your relationship with God.
Your relationship with others.
Your relationship with yourself.
Finally, the last step of healing.
Step #3:
Strengthen The Body
The body has it’s own powerful healing system.
Locate the wound, clean the wound, and it’ll heal itself.
But you need to provide it with the nutrition it needs.
For the soul, its food can only be love. We’re sick because we lack love. Fill it with love, and healing happens spontaneously.
Learn to love yourself as God loves you.
Learn to say, “I’m totally, completely, and perfectly loved.”
You have nothing to prove.
Relax in His love.
Release all stress from your life.
And start giving love more.
Why Some Don’t Get Healed?
One day, someone asked me, “Bo, my father has cancer. I’ve been praying for his healing for two years now. Why is he still sick? Why doesn’t he get healed?”
So many have asked me this disturbing question before.
My honest answer: I don’t know.
I can’t explain why sometimes, the healing happens in a blink of an eye.
Sometimes, it happens gradually.
Sometimes, it happens without even seeing a doctor. No surgery. No medicines. In a snap, the person is well.
Sometimes, it happens through surgery, medications, and hospital care.
And sometimes, the healing doesn’t happen. The person dies.
Why? I can only guess. And my guess is Romans 8:28—all things work for good to those who love God.
All sickness can be used for a greater purpose.
Perhaps it’s to bring you closer to God.
Perhaps it’s to bring you closer to your family.
Perhaps it’s your path to inner peace.
If you’re sick right now, I urge you to listen to God speaking through your soul. Perhaps there’s a message in your sickness. Once you hear the message, do it.
If you’re sick right now, fill your life with love.
Receive love. And give love.
Like my young friend Gemma.
To end my article, I’ll allow her to speak to you—first person.
Gemma Pasimio:
I don’t look sick but actually I am.I’ve been battling with cancer since September 2006. A tumor was found in my right ovary so I had a major operation. Upon biopsy it was found to be malignant. I was simply told I have cancer. My heartbeat stopped for a moment when I heard the word “cancer”. How can I have cancer when I’m so young? Am I gonna die? I cried a bucket of tears but my doctor assured me that I’m not gonna die because my cancer was discovered at an early stage – Stage 1C. However I have to undergo chemotherapy for 6 months.
Initially it was difficult for me to accept the harsh reality. It was painful for my family, friends, and for my boyfriend. My boyfriend promised to walk with me throughout the difficult journey.
I had my first chemo in October 2006. After 10 days, I lost my long straight dark brown hair. I was completely bald and had no hair in my whole body. I felt so ugly. I looked like a freak. I didn’t want to get out of the house for fear that people would look at me strangely. I was that insecure. But my insecurity hit rock bottom in November 2006.
Because 4 days after my second chemo, my boyfriend of 3 ½ years, who promised to stay with me no matter what happened, broke up with me to be with another woman. He simply decided to leave me when I was battling with cancer.
I thought, God was truly punishing me! Why did I fall for a man who I thought would love me unceasingly, unconditionally, whether or not I was sick, whether or not I had hair? I was angry with God. I was angry that I was sick, that I was bald, that I was ugly, and that my boyfriend left me.
In April of this year, my cancer spread in both my ovary and abdomen. Doctors said my cancer advanced to stage 3c-4a. They also said I needed 2 major operations and undergo chemo afterwards. I asked, if I go through this again, can you assure me that I will be completely free from cancer? As expected, there was no guarantee.
So my answer to them was simple — “no to operation, no to chemo”. Why would I allow the doctors to open me up again if they couldn’t guarantee that the cancer cells will no longer spread? Why would I have another chemo if there was no assurance that I will be completely free from cancer? Therefore I said “no”.
That day, I decided to do two things: Grow closer to God and enjoy my life as much as I can. Today, I serve in Singles for Christ. I love God and have given myself to Him.
And I’m enjoying my life so much, I can now swim 50 laps in 40 minutes. I go to the gym. Since the start of this year, for the first time, I’ve joined 3 marathons, completing 5 kilometer races.
I’ve resigned from my stressful job and now operate my own little business.
Today, because of my faith and my positive attitude towards life, where I avoid useless stress in my life, I’m receiving God’s healing. Today, my medical tests show that even without chemo or surgery, both of my tumors have now shrunk!
With God at my side, I live one day at a time. Everyday is such a beautiful gift from Him. And I enjoy each day so much. I’m happy and at peace. God is my healer and I give my life to Him.
Here’s my bet: Gemma is healthier than many of us who don’t have cancer.
Fill your life with love, and healing will happen spontaneously.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
From http://bosanchez.ph/do-you-want-god-to-heal-you/ (Courtesy of Anne Baltazar, thank you!)
Posted: September 8th, 2009 under daily, reads.
Comments: none
Music : Nay
Mood : Pooped & Panicking
Took the bus today. Just thought I’d try it for once. I walked all the way from the bus stop to the office. Oh boy, that was a long walk. Even further than when I had to walk to work in Singapore. That is the last time I’m ever going to take the bus. I’ll stick to paying Rm4 to the cab driver.
*Spaces out*
Okay, I’m sleepy. Tons of deadlines this 4-day week! Yesterday was National Day – Selamat Merdeka, Malaysia! Another public holiday next Monday, weee! :D (I think)
Posted: September 1st, 2009 under euphoria.
Comments: none
Music : Hillsong – You Alone Are God
Mood : Sad I’m Okay
There are days when someone else matters more than you. And you can’t say anything because you don’t know where you stand in the whole picture. Or maybe you thought you knew. So you just accept your trials, thinking that perhaps there were other days when someone else must have mattered more to you, causing you to leave out the other person who left you out. It’s a vile circle.
And for some people, you do know where you stand and you find no difficulties in voicing out your insecurities. Is it because you know where you stand? Is that person called your best friend? But then sometimes, even best friends don’t let best friends know. Because you expect your best friend to understand. Best friends let best friends have their fun. So who deserves the number one spot in your life after God? Family? Boyfriend? Husband? Best friend? Johnny Depp? No, World of Warcraft is not a ’someone’!
Who’s that one person who can live with you being annoying? I guess that’s the person who deserve that number one spot on your list, even if you have many ichibans (number one persons). But then, that’s outside the family circle. What about family? They didn’t choose you as family, but they can choose not to live with you. So who should be on your list? The one who can live with someone as annoying as you or the one you’re related to? But perhaps, it should be the one who’s been with you the longest, right? The one who knows your secrets, the one who was there when you were sad and lonely, the one who came to you when you needed help, the one who said everything was going to be okay – all in one package. But then, you have many people like that in your life, each with different secrets to keep, and different reasons to be friends with. So complicated, huh? Earthly life is such a dilemma.
So I figured, there is no number ones in the list. Just a bunch of special people, no, not retard-special, special as in they make-a-difference-in-your-life special. It’s a first-come-first-serve basis. You make plans, you stick with it. Something came up? Make sure you make up for the plans you cancelled. Didn’t have a plan but felt like you were stood up? Make other plans! But what if you don’t have other plans?! Well, what to do, God didn’t promise a smooth life journey. So what is all these trials about? Why do you feel sad when someone stood you up? Why do you feel angry when someone criticises you?
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing,” says James 1:2-4.
It’s God’s way of letting you know He’s near. He’s that peace within you. He’s that voice that tells you it’s okay.
“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire,” says James 1:12-14.
It’s okay if someone leaves you; someone more wonderful will come along. It’s okay if you lost your job; a better job will drop into your lap. It’s okay if you felt like you’ve waited an eternity; God’s timing is perfect. It’s okay to bum around; just as long as God is the force in your life. There’s no reason to be sad or scared, your final destination is Heaven. So none of these negative things on earth matter. Your job on earth is to be happy and making sure God is the first in your life.
I think I know why some good people die early. God only wants the best people in His kingdom. And these best people died for their calling, no matter how small it was, it was no less important, no matter if they knew that it was their calling. Some good people live longer, because their missions last longer or happen later in life. Because we’re sent to earth on a divine mission. Once it’s done, we’re promised a place in Heaven even if we died being half-bad and half-good… We get to pay for our time in Purgatory, because we’re given a second chance at entering Heaven. I’m not sure why nonbelievers die though. But that is God’s judgment, so I might just meet a nonbeliever friend when I die. I’ll never know.
Posted: August 27th, 2009 under daily.
Comments: none
Music : Hillsong – Mighty To Save (Playing in my head)
Mood : Happy
Yay. It’s the end of the month, and I’ve got savings! Now, that’s a real achievement to me. It didn’t turn out so bad once I started putting aside some money from my salary. I didn’t really save 100% of what I wanted to, since I had to pay up some old bills from months back (That was painful). But hey! What I have now is half a month’s salary for some. I R SO HAPPEH.
Okay, next mission: Save up what I lost in the past month atop of the 100% I initially planned to save.
YOSH! Thank you, God! Nothing is impossible when we come running to You for help :)
Posted: August 27th, 2009 under daily, euphoria.
Comments: none
Music : Hillsong – None but Jesus
Mood : In Awe
Think back six months ago, were you single?
Nope, been happily attached for 9 years now with a lot of bumps along the way.
How do you feel right now?
I’m happy.
Do you have a piggy bank that’s actually shaped like a pig?
No. Though I have something that looks like a mouse.
Do you want to start over with anyone?
No, I’m here where I am because I choose to be.
What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Sleeping.
True love or 1 billion bucks?
1 billion bucks seems tempting, I’d have all the financial freedom in the world. But I’ll only attract gold-diggers. So, true love’s for me!
Anything you would change about your life right now?
Nothing. I’m happy with my life right now, I choose to be here.
You have to get a tattoo, where and what do you get?
At the top middle of my back. Don’t know what but something awesome.
Could you cry right now?
Nah, I already poured out last week.
Do you ever think about stuff and start crying?
Nowadays, I cry more about happy things. I don’t know why!
How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
Wee seldom nowadays. I used to hold back alot of things to say before. But nowadays, I guess I’m more to saying the truth, because I think people need to hear it.
Are you okay with the life you live?
ADUI, yes! Get to the point please, you asked me about life thrice, no wait, twice. But yeah!
Last person you told a secret to?
Secret, secret.. Kathlyn, I think?
Do you like hugs?
I like Hello-hugs.
Do you believe true love can conquer anything?
Yes, with true love comes prayers. Prayers conquer everything.
When is the last time you cried?
Err last sunday on the phone with Pierre.
How much money did you spend today?
RM1.20 on breakfast, RM11.1 on lunch, RM2 on train. That’s it!
What are you sitting on right now?
On my bed.
Who’s the last person you IM’d?
Katkaboo!
What’s something you really want right now, be honest.
I want to sit in church.
How do you feel about your hair right now?
It’s 6am, nothing.
What did you do yesterday?
Did changes to our in-house magazine, came up with ideas for the cover, because the initial cover looks better as a back cover. Had a good and yummy lunch! Went to watch UP! :D Adorable! Me likes.
Would you forgive a friend for telling your biggest secret?
I can try.
Is there someone that makes you happy every time you speak with them?
Pierre. I get his jokes more these days :P
When’s the last time you said you were fine and you really weren’t?
I don’t know. I don’t usually proclaim I’m fine, I suppress it.
Is someone on your mind right now?
Pierre. I’m glad he went to bed early.
Who’s birthday is coming up?
Yolande’s, 27 August.
Were you happy when you woke up?
You mean at 3am just now? No, haha. I dozed off with my make up and contact lenses on.
What is one emotion you are feeling right now?
I’m in awe of God’s love :)
What’s the last thing you ate?
Artificial-tasting McDonalds. Even KFC tastes more real.
Are you easy to get along with?
Are you kidding me? I’m like the most easygoing person you’ll ever meet. Though I’m abit shy.
Who is the last person to send you a text?
Erm, Pierre.
What are you currently listening to?
By the time I finish this? The sound of the fan, and a car passing by.
Posted: August 22nd, 2009 under daily, euphoria.
Comments: none
Music : Hillsong – Here I am to worship
Mood : Serene
“If God be for us, who can be against us?”, says Roman 8:31.
Those are the words that are hung up on the wall of Pierre’s sister’s dining hall. It never did move me in any way when I stayed over for the weekend. Chatting on my laptop. Waiting for Pierre to get off his computer at night. Making my signature bolognese spaghetti for everyone’s birthdays. But now the words are so significant to me, that I feel so proud because God actually has my back.
Now who can be a greater person at being your bodyguard, kan? :)
Posted: August 10th, 2009 under daily, euphoria.
Comments: 3
Music : Hillsong United – One Way
Mood : Serene
I always have this urge to do something great. But when I have the opportunity to do so, I turn indolent. For example, after reading crappy books again and again, I thought to myself even these crappy books get published, I must be better than them at writing stories!
Well, maybe one day, I’ll finally get to it. I think I’m better as a book editor, than I do as writer. But of course, I have to start writing first, before I can actually edit. But I like to think myself as the quality controller. The one that checks whether the mood is at the right temperature in the story – whether it’s making me feel the way the author wants the readers to feel. I’m better at editing stuff than creating them. I’m meant to be a boss. So now I’m like, crawling my way up the career ladder.
But as of yet, I’m pretty much happy where I am now. Better days will lay out before me, you’ll see!
Posted: August 9th, 2009 under daily.
Comments: 2
Music : Nay
Mood : Serene
Hee. Good morning! It’s been a while. Well, let’s see… since my last post, I’ve landed myself in a new job, which I absolutely love. I’ve got godsent people for colleagues who look out for me, and I am most grateful for. And I’d say since I left Singapore in February, my life just got better and better. I believe God’s timing says now is my prime, and it just encourages me to keep going forward.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
How can anyone not be moved by that verse? Okay, you may think like “Oh right, she’s being religious now”.
But I’m not.
Loving and knowing God is not a religion, it’s a relationship.
Yes I have strayed, I have doubted, I have condemned. But it was the most basic thing that defined God that led me back to him – God is the Holy Trinity: The Heavenly Father, Lord Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Now I know why I make the sign of the cross. Now I know the significance of it. Now I know the importance of it, it’s a sign of worship, a sign of acknowledgement, a sign of love. Knowing the Holy Trinity is a joy of a higher level. It’s a sense of joy I’ve never experienced before in my entire life (and I’m not exaggerating!), for it is only understood by those who surrendered their everything no matter how impossible it was to them, no matter how grave their wrongdoings were, no matter how guilty they felt, no matter how unworthy they felt… but they just dropped everything and surrendered. Because God has always been waiting for your entrance or return.
He has a home for you somewhere in Heaven, it’s just up to you to claim it. But He’ll never say, “Take it or leave it. He’ll say, “Take it or take it”. He always gives you choices in life – it’s either closer or away from Him- but of course, He’s always be rooting for the route where you’ll be most close to Him. And say you decided to be adventurous and went away from Him, He’ll still be waiting. Who in the whole wide world would still want you back and eager for the day that you’ll return, after you’ve hurt them, scarred them, slapped them, stood them up, cheated on them, etcetra etcetra, and will still not judge you for your past and condemn you for your mistakes? No human can do that, because we struggle. But God, it is a natural thing for him to forgive and still love you, because there is no merciness in this world that can beat His.
I have surrendered (oh, boy that’s such a big word) my worries, my fears, my disappointments, my guilts, my sins… And I now have no fear of what’s going to happen in the future, I have no fear of sleeping at night, I have no fear of walking in the dark (no, no.. like literally in the dark), because I know and feel in my heart that, God says everything is just going to continue to be great. I live by life one day at a time; and if it’s necessary sometimes, a month ahead. But for now, I don’t know how else to put it, but to say I just feel very blessed. Thank you for sticking with me, Jesus! :)
Posted: July 22nd, 2009 under daily, euphoria, special days.
Comments: 9
Music : Sarah Brightman & Andrea Bocelli – Time To Say Goodbye (Con Te Partirò)
Mood : Content
I think there’s something about bittersweet love stories that make me feel euphoric inside.
Twilight, Becoming Jane, If You Could See Me Now, Pushing Daisies, Zettai Kareshi … they all top my list of favourite bittersweet love stories. Usually paranormal, because normal is too real.
I sort of like this bittersweet affair. They turn me into a teary sappy fool, but still, I can’t help but feel enveloped with warmth and contentment at the end of it. To me, the thing about a bittersweet love story is… It spells pure love.
Like, how you know that the future has fated you to part, but you still feel connected through your affection for each other. Even though when the shittiest things happen and you cannot be together, and that even when you have already ended up with someone else, they still run through your thoughts often. Or the danger that you possess within yourself could kill them instantly if you lose control. Or no matter how you try to end up together, fate always has a knack of making you both somewhat anti-magnetic.
And even though the sexual tension between you is killing the both of you, you still stay together despite not being able to kiss or be intimate. Because all it matters to you is that you are in love with each other that even without having one kiss will not tear you two apart. The pain, instead, heightens your affections and makes you want each other more.
Then although reality hits you hard with the shittiest consequences, you learn to live with it. And sometimes even when it’s not spoken, you look at that person you once shared stomach butterflies with, and just know that the person is thinking and feeling the exact thing as you are.
And in these bittersweet love tales that I indulge myself with, as disheartening as it sounds, loving is not always having. Sometimes, it just means letting go.
And after reading and watching these stories, I make up the afters and in-betweens of the obvious story to make myself feel happy about it — like finding joy in the pain, like a fanfic in my own head.
—
And to my dearest Pierre, Happy 1-Month-to-Our Anniversary Day! :P
Posted: May 4th, 2009 under daily.
Comments: none
Music : Sting – When We Dance
Mood : Awkward
Tag 15 people to do the same. Don’t forget to tag!
Last beverage ? Water
Last phone call ? Janice
Last text message ? My Boss
Last song you listened to ? Sting – When We Dance
Last time you cried ? Last Friday
HAVE YOU EVER:
Dated someone twice ? No
Been cheated on ? No
Kissed someone & regretted it ? No
IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU:
Fallen out of love ? No
Laughed until you cried ? Yes, while indulging in gossip with Janice and Jacq
Met someone who changed your life ? No
How many people on your top friends do you know in real life? ? Everyone
How many kids do you want to have ? I was thinking 4, but 5 is a good number too
Do you have any pets ? They’re back at home in Sandakan
Do you want to change your name ? Nevaaa!
What time did you wake up today ? 7.45am
What were you doing at midnight last night ? Chatting with Kathlyn
Name something you cannot wait for ? Panasonic Lumix DMC-Fz28
Last time you saw your father? Early January
What’s one thing you wish you could change ? That Singapore, Kuala Lumpur and Kota Kinabalu are miles away from one another
Have you ever talked to a person named Tom ? Haha, no. Tony, yes.
What’s getting on your nerves right now ? Nothing in particular
What’s your real name ? Tatiana Emelia Laban
Elementary/Primary School ? Chi Hwa Primary School
Middle/Secondary School ? St Cecilia Convent Secondary School :P
Hair color ? Black
Long or short ? Short
Are you a health freak ? Not really, but I can’t live without vegetables in my food
Righty or lefty ? Righty
FIRSTS :
First surgery ? Nevaa!!
First piercing ? Ears, when I was 6.
First best friend ? A girl named Frendy, in kindegarten. Never saw her in primary school, we didn’t even say goodbye :(
First sport you joined ? Basketball
First pet ? George the Cat
First vacation ? Kuala Lumpur, when I got 3rd place in Primary 6.
CURRENTLY :
Eating ? Nothing
Drinking ? Water
Waiting ? For Pierre’s call, but I’ll prolly call him to wish goodnight.
YOUR FUTURE :
Want kids? ? YES!
Want to get married?? Only waiting at the moment :)
Careers in mind? ? Creative Editor
HAVE YOU EVER :
Kissed a stranger ? Kinky, but no
Drank hard liquor ? Till I had hives :P
Lost glasses/contacts ? Countless
Ran away from home ? No, I lock myself in the room
Broken someone’s heart ? Intentionally and unintentionally
Been arrested ? No :P
Cried when someone died ? No matter whose funeral it is, yes.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
Yourself ? YESH, FAITH WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS! (That’s what my fortune cookie told me)
Miracles ? Yes :)
Love at first sight ? No.
Heaven ? Yes
Santa Claus ? St Nicholas? Yeh.
Kiss on the first date? Haha, no.
Angels ? Totally!
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
Is there one person you want to be with right now? ? Yes :(
Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? ? Haha, I had my days :P
Do you believe in God? ? Yes, forever, Amen :P
Consider yourself tagged! :D
Posted: February 24th, 2009 under daily.
Comments: 1
Music : The Cure – Friday I’m In Love
Mood : Blissful
“She’s just not that into you … if she takes a dump in your toilet.”
- He’s Just Not That Into You
So true.
Girls are just like guys, the only difference is, they think and rationalise more. Guys, they take the straight road, no frills. Girls, tend to take the winding road, with the occasional junctions along the way. Guys, once they’ve planned something, they can see clearly the goal that waits at the end of the road. Girls, the goal usually changes.
Girls may find it hard to break it to you that they’re not into you. They either ignore you or just be nice and go with the flow, because they can’t break it to you that you’re too desperate. Only on an exceptional case that the girl tells you that there’s something wrong with you. On some unlucky events, she avoids you then you go on to think what the hell is wrong with you. Surely, you think that girls should just come clean with you, but in truth, the reason they don’t is because they’re afraid to taint the friendship (if there’s any), plus it takes great courage to actually tell the guy. So girls’ way out are either helping him by telling what he’s doing wrong or skip the friendship-budding stage and ignore. And if the latter do happens, and maybe if the guy is observant enough, he’ll ask what’s wrong, if not then dense forever he will be till someone who has the courage to break it to him comes along, or even someone who actually likes his quirks (which means that he doesn’t have to change, it’s sort of a soulmate thingy).
Tip: If the girl doesn’t answer your call once or twice, and never returns your calls, then she doesn’t want to talk to you.
But here, you must watch THIS… convince your boyfriend/husband/potential love material to watch He’s Just Not That Into You. My utmost favourite part is Justin Long sliding down the wall in tears – PRICELESS! It’s as close as reality could get, and you would find yourself going “That’s happened to me before”, “Shit, I know this”, “That’s so true!”.
Mmmm and Bradley Cooper is hawt in the movie :) 2nd favourite to Justin Long – this is the first time I watched him in a serious role. Last I watched him was in Dodgeball (Ugh!) where he acted as a sissy boy with no sports talent in his body, didn’t fancy him at all then. I mean yeah, he’s a good actor! SO yeah, sissy-wise, that worked :P Ahem, okay enough of the i-love-boys talk :P Tata!
Posted: February 23rd, 2009 under daily.
Comments: none
Music : Nat King Cole – L-O-V-E
Mood : Crossed
“I think God is really testing us”, I sobbed to Pierre on the phone.
Fate has always managed to find loopholes to screw up a perfect day. It seems like every step we take brings us further away from each other. I mean, it hadn’t really bothered me much as we’ve been used to this distance issue ever since my university days. It’s grown to be quite a norm to us until recently. I’m going back to Malaysia for good in about 2 weeks from now, to be closer to Pierre as one of the major reasons. Even so, there’s still some crazy twist of fate that would bring us even further away from each other.
“If you can’t take it, you know you can always leave”, responded Pierre, sensing my distress, not knowing how to put it but thought it was a possible solution.
I don’t normally write about Pierre and I when it comes to bad times, but this really, really, really hit me bad. Like stab-in-the-heart-and-falls-to-the-pit-of-my-stomach bad.
How could he even think it? How could it even be an option? It’s like committing suicide because you’ve lost your job, when the tactful way to dealing with it is to find another job, even if it’s not your dream job but at least you’re moving somewhere, instead of throwing your whole life away.
We have been together for almost 9 years now, and him responding like that is telling me that he still doubts us. 9 bloody years! And he gives me an option! Like what the hell have I been doing sitting around for 9 years, choosing him over many other boys who think themselves worthy?
I called him crazy and told him to shut up.
He insisted that he was just being realistic about this. But to me, if he was really being realistic, he should have just kept it to himself. How could he say such a thing? He said that if I was suffering, I shouldn’t have to because I don’t have to. Then I asked him whether he knew the meaning of a relationship, I didn’t wait for him to answer and said, “It’s about being sad and happy TOGETHER”.
If I did want to leave him, I wouldn’t waste my breath saying “I think God is really testing us”. In fact, I wouldn’t even feel miserable. I wouldn’t even say it in the first place. I would instead just let this relationship die. I would just be bitchy and make him leave me. Then he goes on saying, “If you leave, of course I will be sad” to which I answered, “Shouldn’t you be fixing it instead of killing us?”
There is a solution to everything, and killing it shouldn’t even be an option.
I was so bloody crossed and heartbroken that I spoke in English in perfect sentence with a Queen-of-England accent that only surfaces in heated discussions like this – I was downright furious!
Any guy who says this to his girlfriend, is a bloody coward; because you can fix it, arsehole.
I didn’t wait this long to be given an option, I waited this long to be given a solution. I don’t believe in break-ups, it’s either you fix it or you live with it. You break up because one of you have given up, that’s how I see it. And I can’t tolerate with that.
In the end, I made Pierre promise never to talk about this ever again.
I won the case.
Posted: February 19th, 2009 under bad days, daily, nathalea.
Comments: 4
Music : Michael Bublé – Summer Wind
Mood : Distressed
Rules: Once you are tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.
1. I see Henry Cavill as Edward Cullen in my head ever since I started reading Twilight a year ago. I still do. Sorry, Robert Pattinson… I like you better as Cedric Diggory.
2. I like Bella Swan in the movie better than in the book itself.
3. I grew up with ambitions of being a journalist, a stewardesss, a teacher and a scientist.
4. I started using the internet at the age of 11, which was in 1995 when we still used the Terminal and Winsock to connect to the internet on an amazing 28.8kb/s modem that I used to worship. And that was when I learned to write HTML in notepad.
5. I was so excited about it, I wanted to set up a online club (inspired by girltalk.com). I had a hardcover book sorted out in jobs, activities, login/passwords, etc. As ambitious as I was though, the online club thingy was never realised.
6. I used to write essays, decorated the papers in pencil colour, and later pasted them on the wall in my living room. My mom was my editor.
7. I had no idea how to spell my name when I was younger. All I knew was I had T’s and A’s in my name and scribbled what I thought was my name.
8. As a kid, I once drew two big elephants that were larger than me in the spare room downstairs, in blue and black pen.
9. When I was 3 or 4, I tried to give my puppies a bath in a wash basin. My sisters rescued them of my innocent intention – some puppies didn’t make it alive :(
10. On the first day of kindergarten, I asked my mom to go home while I skipped happily to class.
11. On the first day of Primary 1, I cried and begged my mom to stay. And occasionally I ran out of the class to look for her in tears as soon as she left the classroom.
12. I visualise smells and tastes in a horizontal graph-like motion. Like, how connoisseurs describe the taste of wine in notes.
13. I secretly love the smell of a freshly lit cigarette. And that’s it.
14. I have already dotingly thought of the names for my future babies!
15. I can’t believe I have 10 more things to random reveal about myself.
16. I just had my hair trim, and I look like someone who just escaped the mental asylum.
17. I drool for men with nice arm hair and leg, neat goaties, ear-piercings, brow-piercings, emo-hairstyles and nice veins in the lower back arm.
18. My favourite past-time is imagining I see handsome guys at the corner of my eyes transforming normal-looking male faces into hawties.
19. And Pierre, my darling boyfriend of almost 9 years recently approved of it! :P
20. Throughout the 9 years that I’ve been with Pierre, despite the hundreds of miles between us now, this is the longest time that I’ve ever been the happiest.
21. O mai god, 4 left.
22. I will continue eating one, I repeat, one favourite dish until I get utterly bored then move on to the next dish and make it a favourite. And my living on my favourite food usually could last for a year.
23. My interests are usually made up of recommended books, music and movies.
24. I like being oblivious to the world. I like my own space. I like my own pace. And occasionally I wake up from that oblivion feeling like a ball of energy – up for anything!
25. Cy Rimmon from My Blessed Demon is my fictional character of perfect guy.
Yay capice!
Consider yourself tagged.
Posted: February 18th, 2009 under daily, reads.
Comments: none